Monday, June 10, 2013

Maybe i Am A Little Bit Gay

This weekend, on Sunday, i was thinking about whether i could be gay or not.  Not as in "am i gay?" but, more like, "is it possible for me to think/behave like a gay guy?"

Let me start with this: i truly don't care whether people are gay or not.  They are who they are and i accept and love them for who they are.  Gay, straight, bi ... i see everyone as a person, not a class of people.  i can't wait until the day when we stop trying to break society into a number of factions or groups and, instead, we start viewing everyone as distinctly different but still a valued part of the human race.

With that said, and maybe it was the pride weekend postings i saw from West Hollywood, but i was thinking about the question this weekend.  i was pleasantly surprised when i saw that Thumper also was thinking about the question.  See his posting here: "How i Know i am Not Gay"

Like Thumper, i must profess that "i love pussy."  My Wife does not believe me, but i could camp out down there and nuzzle, kiss, lick, suck and otherwise enjoy my time for hours.  i love the taste and, even more, i love the pleasure that giving oral provides to the recipient.  But it doesn't stop there for me.

i love the feminine form ... even when it is me pretending to be feminine.
i love the feminine form.  i love the curves of the larger bodies.  i love the softness of the female face.  i love the strength in the legs of some women.  i love the beauty in the tight body of some women.  i love the breasts in all women.  i love the makeup.  i love the hair styles.  i love the clothing.  i love the shoes.  i love how the makeup, the hair, the shoes, and the clothing work together to accentuate the form, curves, softness, strength and beauty.  In short, i love everything there is about the appearance of women.  i can't find a single aspect of the appearance of women that is disagreeable to me.

As i explore my innermost thoughts, desires and dreams, i find that i would love to be a woman; i am not, however, attracted to men.  i think the male body, including the penis, just is not pretty or cute.  In all of the pictures i see of gay men, and of all of the gay men that are my friends, i just am not attracted to them sexually.  Thinking of men in a sexual manner does nothing to turn me on.  i just enjoy being with women sexually too much.

On the other hand, and maybe confusingly, a penis on a shemale/transvestite/transgender/crossdresser ... i need to spend more time dwelling on that before i can come to any conclusions.  The softness of the appearance usually is enough for me to forgive the existence/presence of a penis.  For now, i'll call that a draw.

In any event, i am convinced that i am a little bit gay: the female part of me loves women and so, if i was a woman, i would definitely be a lesbian.  Because i have a part of me that is feminine...i am a lesbian trapped in a male body; that makes me just a little bit gay.

There, i said it, i am a little bit gay. ;-)

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Interesting Tid-Bit For Those Considering Chastity

What style of jeans do you wear? Seriously. What style?

You might contemplate the effect of your sense of style on your chastity device. Let me explain. First, keep in mind that i normally wear suits, dress pants, or yoga clothing (think, loose fitting in the crotch-area, home of the aforementioned chastity device). Accordingly, the issue i am about to discuss rarely makes itself known.

Today, as i was dressing for a family outing (not that kind of outing - rather, a brief, enjoyable excursion), i put on a pair of True Religion jeans, the Bobby basic black style. It was then that i noticed the pressure applied to the chastity device. This pressure translates through the chastity device and to the body parts underneath the chastity device.  Due to the slight discomfort, i went through all of my jeans until i found the least uncomfortable pair to wear: my Gap Relaxed fit jeans.

Now, the chastity device truly gets the brunt of the pressure with unforgiving or unyielding clothing, such as jeans.  The downward force or rearward force applied to the cage portion of the chastity device translates back to the ring.  In the case of the Birdlocked Mini, which i am wearing at the moment, there is some stretch allowed in the connection.  On the other hand, the CB6000s, which i also wear from time to time, the connection between the cage and the ring is not so flexible.  In fact, i am willing to bet that the ring breakage experienced by so many is due in no small part to the types of clothing being worn over the locked package.

What should the chaste male wear, then?  For example, boxers or briefs?  If we are talking about treating the chastity device nicely, i would say boxers.  If we are talking about making the chaste male uncomfortable, i would say, briefs.  You see, when i wore briefs over the CB6000s, i noticed that i would develop bruising or pressure sores in the region where the ring contacted the area surrounding the body.  This is likely due to the pressure applied by the clothing choice.  Thus, to be gentle to yourself and to be gentle to your chastity device, wear boxers (or loose fitting panties, briefs, etc.) and suits or other clothing with room.  For some, skirts would be best.  ;-)

Be kind to yourself and let others handle the punishment.


Sunday, May 20, 2012

Today, She Has the Keys

For those who follow me on Twitter or on Facebook, you already know that, as of last night, She has the keys to my lock. How did this happen, i've been asked.

Let me start by setting the stage. My birthday was Friday and it had been almost a month since my Wife and i had been intimate. Frustration and, quite frankly, a touch of sadness had crept into my emotions. As we watched television together, after a nice sushi dinner, i noticed an ankle bracelet around Her ankle. i didn't buy Her an ankle bracelet; it was on my list to buy for a later celebration. Intrigued, i asked where She got the jewelry. She explained that Her mother had given it to Her as a gift. All i could envision was a silver key to my chastity cage dangling from the silver ankle bracelet.

That night, She initiated, maybe as a birthday present of sorts, a night of passionate lovemaking with extended foreplay. As i nuzzled against Her neck, i began to whisper in Her ear about using my chastity device more often. She was moist. i continued to describe in vivid detail the various things She could request of me as i worked to earn freedom from the locked chastity device. She became downright wet and very sexually responsive. Maybe i had touched a nerve? Maybe the honesty was the turn on? Whatever it was, something triggered an amazing reaction in Her.

After an amazing night of sex, better than any in recent memory, i drifted off to sleep. Saturday morning, as soon as Target opened, i walked in to purchase shaving supplies and a silver padlock (all of my padlocks were gold/brass colored, which doesn't match any of Her jewelry). When She left to run errands on Saturday afternoon, i shaved and locked myself into the CB6000s. i spent the rest of the day locked, unbeknownst to Her. i wanted to tell Her all day, but i was afraid of how She might react. She worked on a project late into the evening and, because She knew i had to be awake early on Sunday to drive our son to a sports practice, She encouraged me to go to bed without Her.

Upstairs, by myself, i sat and thought about my predicament: i wanted Her to take control of my keys but i didn't want to turn Her off. i knew that this mental tug of war could go on for years - if i wanted any shot at making enforced chastity a reality, i needed to be honest with Her and ask Her to be involved. i sat and wrote a short letter to Her. The letter explained that i meant everything i said in the heat of the previous evening's lovemaking. The letter explained that, while She was free to refuse, i wanted to be locked into chastity and i wanted Her to hold the keys. When i was satisfied with the letter, i put the signed letter together with the keys on Her bathroom counter; a location She would be sure to visit before bed.

Nervously, i went to bed and turned out the lights. My cock encased in polycarbonate and secured with a padlock. The keys were sitting on Her counter - no longer in my control. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe it will turn Her off and upset Her. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe it will turn Her on and i will be locked away forever. My heart pounded. My pupils dilated. My throat dried. The physical reactions i was experiencing were nothing compared to the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and the butterflies that took hold as soon as i heard Her feet on the stairs.

This was it. She was coming upstairs. She certainly would go into the bathroom. i had set into motion a chain of events that no longer could be stopped. i closed my eyes and pretended to sleep; pillow positioned over my eyes. My senses fully awakened.

As Her footsteps grew louder, my pulse rate increased. She walked past the bed. i could smell Her perfume. i heard the light switch in the bathroom, then nothing. Silence. Deafening silence. Finally, i heard the clinking of keys. She must have picked them up.

After another moment of silence, She lifted the pillow. "I don't understand," She said. My heart sank. Now i was confused. What in my letter could She not understand? i softly asked, "Don't understand what?". It turns out, She was confused about why i went out and bought a new padlock. Once i explained my reasoning, She seemed to be satisfied and went back downstairs, knowing that i was laying in bed with the chastity cage locked in place. A race resumed between my mind and my pulse rate.

After about a half-hour, She returned. She turned out the lights, crawled onto my side of the bed and snuggled up next to me. She wanted a back rub. She was exploring Her newfound control and sense of authority. i obliged. As i rubbed, She began to become more and more sexually excited. After a 45 minute massage, when invited, my hands, lips and tongue began to massage Her breasts and Her inner thighs. i crawled all over Her. i explored. i nibbled on Her neck and ears. i felt like a teenager again. She whispered questions. "Doesn't it hurt?" "How does it work?" "Are you comfortable?" In response to Her commenting that She didn't always want to be in control in bed, we arrived at a compromise: She could control my cock and when it gets used but i will take control in bed as soon as She asks. Immediately upon settling on that compromise, She asked that i unlock because She wanted to feel me inside of Her.

Sounds great to far.