Seizing the Opportunity

Someone once asked that i explain how i first broached the topic of chastity devices with my Wife.  Keep in mind that She still considers chastity devices "freaky," as in "weird," but i at least took my masturbatory life in my hands and introduced Her to the idea.

She was on a trip to see Her parents and i remained home because i couldn't take the time off of work.  On these occasions, i typically self-lock.  And this trip was no different.  To try to ease the pangs of separation, She had been texting me pictures of Her in little to no clothing, a definite uptick in our relationship spice.

One night, She texted me that She lost a ring that i had given to Her as a present.  It was cold where She was and Her fingers had shrank, which allowed the ring to fall from Her finger.  The ring truly was not that expensive and i knew that i could buy the exact same ring again if needed.  i was not worried.  She was.  i began joking with Her about locking Her rings on Her fingers.

After a series of texts, i felt like i saw an opening so i texted Her that i had a ring on my cock and that it was locked in place.  She continued joking along those lines.  i went online and found a picture someone had taken of a Birdlocked chastity device and sent it to Her.  She wouldn't be able to tell if it was me or someone else given the composition of the picture.  i felt fairly safe.

Her response shocked me.  She replied "nice picture."  i swallowed hard.  i thought i might be standing on the verge of "be careful what you wish for."  Her next text asked where the device came from.  i came clean about the photograph...it wasn't me.

The day She was to return home, i texted Her the picture to the right, which i took of myself locked in the Birdlocked.  i didn't tell Her i had been locked for 7 straight days at that point.  My text read:

"Since you liked the other photo, i went out and found the same locking ring.  You can have the key and unlock it when You want. ;) By the way, i still love those pictures."

When She arrived home, the keys were on my bathroom counter.  She asked what they were, and i reminded Her.  She didn't ask to see it...She also didn't ask if i was still wearing it.

That night, we retired to the bedroom and, after a while, she turned off the television.  Her indication that She wants to play around in bed is turning off the television.  i started to swell within the cage of the Birdlocked.  She pulled me to Her and we began to engage in typical foreplay.  Eventually, Her hands moved down to my pajama bottoms and my mind (and heart) starting racing.  This was it.  She was going to find out for sure and i am going to find out what She thinks.

Her fingers danced below my waistband and then Her hand quickly raced around my encased package.  She didn't freak out yet She also didn't seize Her opportunity.  Rather, once She was sure what She was feeling with Her fingers, She asked that i go remove the Birdlocked and come back to bed.  She didn't like the way it felt on me and She said She thought the Birdlocked made my testicles feel like tennis balls (they get pulled tight when locked).  She also wanted to play and the Birdlocked was going to prevent that from happening.

Later, She would take a look at the Birdlocked and explain that She just wasn't comfortable with it and that it looked sort of freaky.  She hasn't completely dismissed the concept but She clearly is not ready for enforced chastity...yet.

Chastity in Las Vegas

i have two days and one night in Las Vegas this week. i would like to shop for a male chastity device while in town. Any suggestions on a store? i will wear the device for four days and post a review later this week if i can find a store with something new to try.

Monogamous Less the Amorous

Picture from Melvin_Es on Flickr

i have been struggling with a lack of sex in our marriage.  Yes, a lack of sex is to be expected by someone using the moniker of "Chaste Hubby."  However, the bothersome part is not the lack of sex but the missing amorous interactions. 

Starting with the monogamous part, i am not inclined to turn outside of O/our marriage for the physical attention that i so deeply desire.  Monogamy, whether it is natural or not, is deeply rooted in my soul.  O/our immediate families have had no divorces and we are "in it together for the long haul."  There is nothing inherently wrong with divorces and the people that resort to them.  Rather, i just feel my obligation to my family, my kids, and my family culture is to fight, struggle and get through whatever may face U/us in a marraige.  The solution, then, must be found within the relationship - unless that proves an utterly useless effort, in which case moving on may be the only option.

Amorous is defined by Merriam-Webster's as "moved by love and especially sexual love."  What happens, though, when the amorous actions vacate the marriage?  i remember back to dating a friend named Heidi in junior high school.  While she was the first girl who let me touch Her breasts, and while She taught me how to caress, nuzzle and snuggle, we were exploring the emotions and experiences caused when the physical contact released the torrent of chemicals within the body.  We were learning together but She was my first tutor.  We held hands when we walked.  We hugged, and not just to say "hello" and "good bye," but for any reason and no reason at all.  When i think of what O/our marriage is missing, the memories of Heidi flood to the surface.

Later, in high school, i had a very short relationship with Kayleen.  Kayleen and i connected in a way that i cannot explain.  She had a very strong libido and was just discovering Her desires.  i was an interlude in a relationship that She was in the midst of that involved a very religous young man.  He would not satiate Her - i was more than willing.  We spent countless evenings in a parked car exploring every curiousity.  She was intelligent, clever, witty and brazen.  Many of the characteristics that i love about my Wife.  However, Kayleen had a libido that allowed for kisses in times and places that bordered on inappropriate, but we were young.  Again, however, the hand-holding, snuggles and affection were free flowing.

These are the things missing from O/our marraige.  When did the marriage bed become so lonely and how did it happen?  In reviewing articles written by others, it appears that The Atlantic wrote about the lack of sex in marriage back in 2003.  According to that article, even Dr. Phil noted on his website that "sexless marriages are an undeniable epidemic."  The article, however, is a review of The Sex-Starved Marriage, which i may have to pick up and read because it purports to contain a few tips and solutions.

In O/our marriage, what She doesn't understand, and what i have tried countless times and in countless ways to explain, is that it is NOT about the intercourse.  i could be locked in chastity for the rest of my life as long as there was a physical component to replace the intercourse.  People need the brush of the arm during a conversation.  People need the holding of a hand while walking through the marketplace.  The seemingly infinitesimal physical contacts can revive and maintain the steady heartbeat of a marriage.  Without them, the weight of the world can smother out the brightest burning flame of love. 

Because i attempt at all times to provide for Her anything and everything She could ever want, i guess She does not see a need to resort to using sex as a negotiating chip.  As The Atlantic article explained:

"Davis reminds women that one of the more effective ways to get a husband to be more considerate and helpful is to seduce him. She counsels a group of female clients who complain of angry, critical husbands to 'pay more attention to their physical relationships with their husbands,' to 'be sexier, more affectionate, attentive, responsive, and passionate.'"

So i wonder if the solution is to be less considerate, less helpful, more angry and more critical?  The problem is that i am not that way by nature.  Alas, i will have a weekend full of lawnwork, housework and child ferrying during which to consider how to move forward.  i am flailing about trying to find an answer.  i have tried the direct route and i am not getting any positive response.  i am not sure how long i need to pound my head against the wall, before i turn to see a door.

Attitude Adjustment

When She travels, i spend extended periods self-locked into a chastity device.  During Her most recent trip, for example, i have remained locked from as soon as Her car slipped away around the corner.  i have about 36 hours left before She returns.  In total, i will remain in my chastity device for 7 days plus a number of extra hours.  i will take the chastity device off before She returns.

Odd? Maybe. It is a bit like running a marathon...or so i am told.  No one would be upset with you if you quit early but you press on toward the finish line with your own drive and determination.  Sure, i could let myself out at any time but doing so would defeat the purpose of putting it on in the first place.  Hell, i often feel guilty having an orgasm after an extended period of denial - it is like Ironman Cal Ripken Jr. taking a seat for a game when he didn't really need to physically.

i have found throughout my life that i am destined to be a pleaser.  i am the golden retriever of the male species.  i know that She expects that i won't touch myself, masturbate, orgasm, what have you, while She is traveling.  i also know that i am prone to taking advantage of free time in  just such a manner and that i act on impulse very often.  Hence, self-locking is my solution.

Why self-locking and not Wife enforced locking?  Very good question.  i have joked about things in the past to try to get a feel for the level of "freak out" that introducing enforced locking would cause.  i have not gotten to a comfort level that She will not totally freak out.  i am still debating revealing my secret to Her when She returns, but it is not a very hearty debate.

All of this is background for my most recent discovery.  i habitually will masturbate if left to my own devices - hey, i'm male and i have a very strong libido.  During this trip, the first night i locked, i still wanted to browse the darker corners of the internet.  When i say "i wanted," i mean i had the itch, the crazy eyes, the whole works.  The addict in me wanted to take advantage of the privacy and freedom provided by Her trip.  Alas, the chastity device prevented that. 

Over the last 5 days, the desire to take things into my own hands, so to speak, has ebbed and flowed but also has steadily decreased to the point that i have a very low grade desire to prowl around those dark corners.  i find this psychological impact interesting - i know that nothing can result, so the efforts have fallen off dramatically.  i have focused on cleaning Her bedroom and Her bathroom.  i want Her to be able to drop Her bags and immediately rest upon Her return.  Foot rubs, back rubs and scalp massages await Her, if She wants to receive them.

This is the reason i self-lock.  Now, if someone would only invent the chastity device for tweets...

Birdlocked v. CB6000s - Preliminary Review

The gauntlet has been thrown down. Which device will come out on top in the cage match of cages?  Interesting that, since i tweeted about wearing the Birdlocked, i received more than a couple of questions about the device.  In my anecdotal research and in my browsing of chastity-themed captions and pictures, no device is more recognized than the CBX000 family of male chastity devices, which includes the CB6000s that i have worn almost exclusively of late.

i bought the Birdlocked in January, around January 21, 2011, and i was first able to get it on my body in March, around March 19, 2011.  i wore it for one night.  Now, with an extended period of travel for my Wife, i have the time necessary to experiment longer term with the Birdlocked device that i purchased quite some time ago. 

THE DEVICES

The CB6000s

The CB6000s chastity device is manufactured and sold by A.L. Miller Enterprises, Inc. of the United States.  The chastity device is made of a medical-grade polycarbonate material.  The device comprises a cage and a separate ring that, when properly positioned and locked together, promise to restrict access to the penis.  The cage is vented and includes an opening at the end to allow urination.  The cage is 2-1/2 inches in length and has an inside diameter of 1-3/8 inch.  While the cage is fairly small, given that it is spaced apart from the ring, it can accommodate penises longer than 2-1/2 inches when flaccid.  The rings, when assembled, have inner diameters of 1-1/2 inches, 1-5/8 inches, 1-3/4 inches, 1-7/8 inches and 2 inches.  Essentially, the ring is assembled behind the testicles such that it encircles the penis, just as a cock ring would.  The cage is slipped over the penis and locked to the properly sized ring.  The CB6000s has a current retail price of $149.95.

The Birdlocked Mini

The Birdlocked Mini chastity device is manufactured and sold by Birdlocked & Co. of Switzerland.  The chastity device is made of a medical Silicone material.  The chastity device is a one-piece sheath and ring construction that requires no assembly of the sheath to the ring.  As with the CB6000s chastity device, the Birdlocked chastity device is vented and includes an opening at the end to allow urination.  The Birdlocked Mini sheath is 2.12 inches long and has an inside diameter of 1.18 inches.  The total length, from back of the ring to the tip of the sheath is 3.3 inches.  The ring has a length of 1.18 inches and an inner diameter of 45 mm.  Essentially, the ring is slid over the testicles and the penis just like a cock ring and then feed the penis into the sheath before locking the tip of the sheath in position along the lower part of the ring using a locking strap.  The Birdlocked Mini has a current retail price of about $165.00 from the manufacturer. 

As a side note, i bought both of my devices from the Stockroom. The Stockroom carries the Birdlocked Mini for $130.00 and the CB6000s for $149.95.  Also, once i have removed the Birdlocked Mini, i will include side-by-side comparison images and, before removing the Birdlocked Mini, i will take pictures for comparison with pictures of the CB6000s.

 

THE COMPARISONS

Appearances and First Impressions
Both products are equally impressive in the manufacturing and overall appearance.  Nevertheless, the CB6000s has a slight edge in my opinion because the more rigid polycarbonate provides a more elegant look to the product.  This could be conditioning of my eye, because most of the devices being used in photo shoots and video shoots are from the CBX000 family of products.

Putting On the Devices

The CB6000s clearly stands out above the Birdlocked Mini when it comes time to don the chastity device.  Following a short period of experimentation to find a comfortable ring size (i.e., one that is tight enough for security but not so tight that things turn inappropriate colors), assembly of the three part puzzle that makes up the ring is simple and quick.  The top portion of the ring is the same from ring-size to ring-size.  Putting the u-shaped main portion of the ring between the testicles and the body, the two top portions are assembled over the root of the penis to capture the testicles and the penis.  The cage can be slid over the penis in any manner chosen (e.g., stocking method or with lubrication).  i prefer to use lubrication.  A spacer is positioned between the cage and the ring and a post inserts through the back of the ring, through the spacer and through a hole in the base of the cage.  A lock (e.g., plastic lock or padlock) can be inserted through a hole in the post to lock everything together.  Simple.  The only issues i ever had were: (1) getting the right combination of ring sizes and spacer/post sizes and (2) inadvertent pinching of skin when locking assembling the ring or when fitting the cage, space and ring together.

The Birdlocked Mini, on the other hand, was next to impossible to fit to my body.  Before heading out to the store to buy the Birdlocked Mini, i spent a bit of time researching sizing.  i ultimately selected the largest ring size for the Birdlocked Mini (i.e., 45 mm) based upon the ring size i was wearing comfortably with the CB6000s.  The first time i tried to slip into the Birdlocked Mini, i spent well over 45 minutes of futile efforts and i gave up.  i tossed the chastity device in my bag and thought i would never be able to use something that i had purchased for over $100.  i continued to research and found that many guys with similar anatomical features (i.e., high and tight scrotums) had difficulty putting on the Birdlocked devices.

One day, as i was surfing around the Internet, i came across a video of a guy slipping into a Birdlocked device.  The video was only available for a very short window of time before the censors got to it and stripped it from the hosting site.  Nevertheless, through the magic of that video, i had witnessed someone slip into a Birdlocked device.  My first reaction was: "i am being too gentle with myself - i need to be more confident about pushing and pulling to make this happen."  Seems you need to thread one testicle through the ring sideways by pulling it through the ring and then push as much skin and such through until you can get the second testicle through the ring.  The second one consistently didn't want to follow the first.

Earlier in the same day, i had read a recommendation that the Birdlocked devices be put on following a 15 minute hot bath and using a petroleum jelly to lubricate the ring.  i proceeded to dig my Birdlocked Mini out of my bag, i grabbed a tube of petroleum jelly and i filled the bathtub with hot water. A half hour later, i was within the protective confines of my Birdlocked Mini.  The only question running through my head was: "okay, it was really hard to put on...how will it come off?"  i put that question aside for the night and figured i could worry about that tomorrow or during the night if something wasn't feeling right .

Thus, i can quickly and efficiently (perhaps even with my eyes closed or in the dark now) put myself into the CB6000.  On the other hand, putting myself into my Birdlocked Mini takes much more time, energy and effort.  At times i may close my eyes, but it takes quite a bit of pushing, pulling and faith to put my relatively modest package into the Birdlocked Mini.

The Comfort Factor When Flaccid

What the Birdlocked Mini loses during donning, it more than makes up for in the comfortability category when going through the day.  Over the course of a day or two, the rigid polycarbonate ring of the CB6000s can start to cause a burning sensation in the parts of the testicles that are in contact with the ring.  i have tried lubrication with hand creams and the like but, given sufficient time in lock down, the creams absorb or are washed away in the shower and the burning sensation will return.  i attribute this to the living, breathing, shrinking and swelling nature of the male anatomy and the inability of the ring to flex and conform to the body.

On the other hand, the ring of the Birdlocked Mini is formed of a pliable Silicone material.  The material conforms nicely to the anatomy and, due to the increased tackiness of Silicone relative to polycarbonate, the ring does not significantly shift relative to the underlying anatomy.  Having been locked into the Birdlocked Mini for almost 36 hours, very little burning sensation if any has been felt.

By way of counterpoint, however, the rigid polycarbonate cage of the CB6000s seems to be more comfortable relative to the Silicone sheath of the Birdlocked Mini.  Where the tackiness of the ring seems to be a positive for comfort in the ring region, the tackiness of the sheath of the Birdlocked Mini grips the head a bit awkwardly.  On the other hand, the rigid polycarbonate cage allows the head and length of the penis to slide a bit more freely as the penis grows and shrinks throughout the day.  In my view, the comfort of the ring out ways the downside of the sheath so i would rate comfort during everyday wear higher for the Birdlocked Mini.

The Comfort Factor During Erections

Ah, but the comfort for the wearer during erections also goes to the Birdlocked Mini.  The CB6000s is rigid and does not give at all.  If the wearer is a grower, much like me, an erection can become very painful because the penis is trying to grow larger around and in length than the CB6000s is willing to allow.  The limit also can be seen as the entire CB6000s bobs up and down with the erection.  As the erection becomes stiffer, the cage moves upwardly.  As the erection becomes softer, the cage moves downwardly.

On the other hand, the Silicone material of the Birdlocked Mini allows some flexing of the material during an erection.  While the length clearly is limited, the girth can be somewhat better accommodated by the Silicone material of the sheath.  The limited length can cause some pain, just like the CB6000s.  Thus, if more painful erections is what you are after, the CB6000s wins.  If reduced pain, and simple chastity, is what you are after, the Birdlocked Mini is better than the CB6000s.

The Mind Fuck

Truthfully, the CB6000s wins here but probably only because of my prior experiences with the CB6000.  If you have followed me for any time, you will remember that both my CB6000 and my CB6000s have split along the seam.  In addition, the rings have cracked where the bottom portion meets the two upper portions.  Both instances placed fairly sharp edges and pinch points in some pretty sensitive regions.  i worry every time i put the devices on that i will end up bleeding.

On the other hand, i worry about testicle torsion and testicle rupture when slipping into the Birdlocked Mini.  i don't know of any documented cases of either...but i don't want to be the first.

All things considered, the mental trauma associated with putting on the Birdlocked Mini subsides and is very short lived while the fear of a split seam or cracked ring with the CB6000s is constant while i am wearing the CB6000s.  Thus, the fear and mind fuck are heavily tipped in the direction of the CB6000s.

Concealability

While the Birdlocked Mini advertising touts the ability to be concealed under clothing, i personally believe that the CB6000s has a sleeker profile when installed as compared to the Birdlocked Mini.  i think the difference simply results from the construction of the cage: the CB6000s bends downward more severely than the Birdlocked Mini.  Thus, under clothing, the CB6000s assumes a more natural appearance when compared to the Birdlocked Mini.

Security

For some readers, this is the biggest point of interest.  For security, i give a tie.  Useful information, right?  The CB6000s has a construction that allows the wearer to tip the cage downward and slip the penis from the cage rearward through the ring.  Thus, without added accessories, there seems to be an easy way to escape and even reinsert into the cage.

In addition, the construction of the CB6000s also admits to use as a sleeve to rub the penis.  Movement of the cage relative to the penis is easily accomplished and, if desired, the movement can be used to approach or achieve an orgasm.  Yes, it is a pretty unsatisfactory orgasm, but it is possible if the wearer is frustrated enough.

On the other hand, the pliable Silicone sheath of the Birdlocked Mini grips the penis and limits this type of manual manipulation.  The Silicone sheath can be squeezed and, in this completely different manner, an orgasm can be approached or achieved.

If i had to say one or the other was more secure, i would side with the Birdlocked Mini simply because, even when body wash or lotion is used, i have not been able to withdraw my penis from the sheath.  Given how difficult i find the Birdlocked Mini to put on while it is unlocked, even if i could somehow Houdini my way out of the sheath, i doubt i would ever be able to reinsert.  For this reason, i would pick the Birdlocked Mini over the CB6000s for security as long as all other accessories are omitted from the discussion.

Conclusion and Improvements

If i had all the time in the word to insert and lock myself, i would side with the Birdlocked Mini.  In the real world, i don't have enough time for that, so i will wear the Birdlocked Mini when i have time and fall back to the CB6000s when i do not have time.

If i could talk to the engineers at either company, i think an improvement on both would be to comold the silicon over top of a polycarbonate cage with the structure of the Birdlocked Mini.  The polycarbonate cage would prevent manual manipulation of the penis through the cage but the upsides of the Birdlocked Mini would largely be maintained.  The Silicone would reduce the likelihood of the cage splitting.  The locking rings for both devices admit of improvement but i am not sure how i would improve the constructions.  The width of the ring of the Birdlocked Mini is good from reducing the ability to withdraw through the ring but i think the Silicone material also helps in this regard.  Further research and consideration are required in the ring department.

Well, for now, that's all i have.  If you have follow-up questions, go ahead and post them or message me on twitter (@ChasteHubby).  Good night and God speed.

Inner Struggles

Sorry for the long silence...like many, i have internal struggles from time to time.  i am not seeking the approval of anyone with this post and, if you are seeking stimulation, this post will not stimulate anything but debate and discussion.

"What are you doing?" "Why do you want this?" "Chastity devices...are you serious?" "Does this have a connection with a panty fetish?" "Would you tell your family what you enjoy?" "Yes, She is benefitting, so why are you after to talk it over with Her?"

The conversations and, on some days, debates are fleeting, fluid but ever present. They can be simply stated questions or can be filled with anger and frustration.

i was traveling recently.  During my trip, i had significant freedom to go where i wanted, do what i wanted, be who i wanted. Seldom did i take care of things without Her - although I could have done so repeatedly.  During my trip, however, i had a moment of self-discovery.

With all due respect to those into true D/s, i don't believe i would ever fit into "the scene."  i've flirted with wanting to be in the scene.  i've romanticized about being in the scene.  i was in a big city during part of my travels and found a meeting of people that were into sissification and D/s more broadly.  i went to observe but, unfortunately, i didn't last long.  My phone rang shortly after the meeting began and it was Her.  i stepped out to take the call and, as i stood there talking to Her, i realized that i was not interested in official D/s...at least not what i had just witnessed.  i did not return - i went to dinner instead.  To those of my readers who may have been in that meeting, i mean no disrespect - i just didn't find myself wanting to learn more after the first fifteen minutes. While in the meeting, i also understood that dressing in feminine outerwear in public is not something that necessarily excites me. In the same regard, wearing feminine underwear or a chastity device in public, under clothing of course, DOES excite me.

i have come to appreciate that i am a complex, complex human being with views, desires, hopes and fears that i simply cannot explain.  They well up from deep within and i am not sure that i have the patience, stamina or strength to burrow deep down inside to understand enough.

What i have come to appreciate even more is that i love Her.  If She wanted me in bondage, i would do it.  If She wanted me in panties, i would do it.  If She wanted me to never have sex again...i'd...i'd struggle but i'd do it.  While i sometime disagree with Her, while i sometimes engage in verbal joisting with her, i know i always will be picking myself up from the turf while She looks down upon me from Her mount.  What She doesn't need to know is that i sometimes fall from my own horse on purpose.

God, please grant me enough courage and strength to offer enforced chastity to Her as a way to improve our marriage.